2013

It has been one heck of a journey throughout 2013. The year just literally pass right before our eyes. I can even remember what I did on the first day of January- I went shopping with mom and bought a dress pfft who wouldn't remember that. I can remember the Taiwan trip with my mom back in March (and the long agonizing countdown towards the trip) like it was only last week. I can remember how hectic the two semesters were yet how it felt so short, with heaps of eventful activities in between. Those memories are all still pretty vivid in my mind.

The last day of the year typically calls for a self-reflection. Much to my disappointment, I spazzingly failed to update this blog as much as I originally planned to for I have commitment issues. Overall though, I'm actually proud of my personal growth throughout the year. Not exactly sure how to put it but in a list because I'm organized like that.

1) Much more open to challenges, pushed myself to the limit and I got through!

2) Started enjoying my university life a whole lot more.

3) Became considerably a more annoying person- as in less shy, more talkative, straightforward and maybe, loud. This one goes both ways, good and bad.

4) I have enhanced my inner OCD goddess. This goes both ways too.

5) Slightly more outgoing. I'm still a home person.

6) More confident in myself. 

7) SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK. Who am I kidding.

8) Exercising much more compared to last year (this and eating more junk came together in an inevitable package).

9) Doing more art! Amateur, but improving.

10) Baked more and some experiments with food. (In The Sims realm, this would be + points for cooking skill)

11) Still humanely evil. The keyword here is humane.

12) Found friends who brought out the best (and the worse lol) in me.

13) Goddamn, I've matured a lot my white hair is breeding on my head.

14) An even crazier chocoholic, I don't even know how this is a good thing.

15) Learned that alone time is quality time.

16) Got better at makeup. Kinda.

17) Learned to give more.
18) Figured how to refuse negativity.

Well that's all I can think of now. I may have changed but deep down I'm still that socially awkward wallflower. 

I am NOT going to write a thank you speech, but I am grateful to those who existed in my 2013. I don't have a New Year's Resolution. I've stopped doing them since 3 years ago because I never stick to them, like I said, I have commitment issues.

Honestly, if I could choose a year to relive, I'd definitely pick 2013. Yeap, the year I left teenage, became more comfortable of myself, pushed limits, break boundaries, revived from mistakes, attended my first ball, lost a dear old friend and got my sweet tooth a little out of control hehe. Goodbye, 2013 will be much missed. :)

Hello, 2014. I'm looking forward to mind-boggling events you have in stall for me! :D

October ♥

I've got to say that the year have very much been crazy, exhausting, fun, exciting and a whole bunch of adjectives. But the month of October have been the most amazing at the most perplexing level. I'm not sure if I enjoyed it more than I suffered or suffered more than I enjoyed. I think it was probably an overdose of both.

So many things I had to sacrifice during the month. Mostly because I was involved in a national university campaign management competition which was really taxing.
1) I literally put a halt into all my assignments and concentrated only on this project.
2) Gave up loads of my sleep time.
3) Had to work on my birthday........................
4) Major miscommunications between friends.
4) Class dramas.
5) Spent less time at home.
6) Started abusing my caffeine consumption.
7) Skipping classes for a whole week (not that I'm complaining).

So much stress I felt like I've aged 2 years within a month seriously.
Regardless, it had been a wonderful experience. What I've learned throughout definitely cannot be bought by money. As of now, I'd like to take a rest from anything to do with this campaign until the Finale.


Well the month not only had a share of pain and tearful moments, but loads of wonders and joys came together in the bundle!
Besides the hectic event, there was dance, birthday celebrations and The Grand Ball.

1) Dance: learned a new genre, yay!

I have started learning contemporary dance recently. At first it was only for the fun of learning since my friends were more than willing to teach me. Then I got involved in the performance for The Grand Ball. I thought it would be really challenging to do something out of my expectations. To be honest, I've never imagined myself doing contemporary dance because I'm such a graceful duck. So yeah, went for it and regretted nothing.

One of the most painful process, besides the foreseeable bruising, is that I sprained my toe real badly. I'm not exactly sure what it was but that freaking toe swelled up and it was twice the usual size. I actually thought I fractured it but apparently that was only my ultimate paranoia at work. So I walked like a disabled person for a few days until it didn't hurt that much anymore. As of now, it's still a bit thick, inflexible and ugly.


2) Birthday surprises

My birthday so happen to fall on the most hectic week I've ever had this year, probably my whole life. Wasn't really in the mood of celebrating my birthday at all. I was actually hoping that I could postpone my birthday lol. Unfortunately.

Yes, despite that I had to work half the day for the campaign, my groups of friends managed to brighten up my day. After my dance practice they brought in 3 pieces of chocolate brownies, which was put together in a way it looked like 3 blocks of brown cubes to supposingly form a cake? I really don't know what they were trying to achieve there lol. Then I had a very noisy and impromptu birthday song from the SDC people. I was really overwhelmed honestly. My favourite part though, was sharing the brownies with them. Watching people eating the brownies happily made me really happy too hehe!

I got home, tired but happy (feeling gluttonish too for eating so much chocolate!). Took a shower and thought I should really do some updating for the campaign and then get some rest. Then my brother said there was a package downstairs waiting for me to sign. Smelled something fishy, I took a quick change of clothes into something decent. I mean, which freaking postmen in their right mind delivers a package at night that requires only me to sign, brother?

Went downstairs and everything seemed pretty peaceful and they suddenly emerged from the kitchen and the room with a birthday cake. Holy crap. Thank the lord I changed my clothes. All 11 of them bombarded my place. My house neighbourhood have never been so noisy hahaha! Then they kidnapped me out for dinner, though I already had mine and even brushed my teeth lol.

Man, it was a good day. Great company, high dosage of chocolate, successful surprises, minus the exhaustion. So thankful to have them in my life. I don't know why my friends spoil me so much I feel burdened lol. Nevertheless, I've never aged so well. :')


3) The Grand Ball

It was my first prom/ball. Actually went in there for free since I was performing except that I just don't get a table. So we took the opportunity to dress up! It was really nice to see so many people dolled up and handsome in suites. Everyone looked so damn good.

Since our performance was right in the middle of the event, we had to go through the trouble of changing. While on standby I was really nervous (since there were chances of me falling at one point), I started to hyperventilate. I just couldn't keep still even though I know I should be conserving my energy. And oh my god, it felt like we were on standby forever and the performance was just merely a breeze. Made a little mistakes here and there but I guess it was acceptable lol. I was actually pretty disappointed that it ended so fast.

Changed back to our dresses and suits, had our photo sessions with the crazy gang. So many recorded memories :D After party was at Bumbung, didn't know why but I followed anyway when my energy level was at 5%. I lost count of how many times I've yawned throughout the 2 hours, it's probably a Guinness record number. By the time I was driving home it was already at 2.30am-ish. My second time driving home at that time woo!

Reached home, removed my makeup, changed clothes, didn't bother to bathe (or brush my teeth). I just fell into a coma on my bed.

Dreams

I had the most vivid dream experience yet this afternoon. It was so strange and cool at the same time because I was half conscious and half dreaming. I have no idea how it happened but here's how it goes.

I remember laying belly down on my bed as I drifted to into my dream. I was pretty exhausted though I wasn't really sure why- it was 4 freaking pm. The dream came in gradually while I was only half asleep. I was still aware of my surroundings at that time, including the sound of my fan.

In the dream I was in my car, leaning my face on the steering wheel helplessly (because of my exhausted state), at the same time it only felt like my pillow. Somehow the car was reversing at a pretty fast speed but I was too tired to care if I die or not because I knew it was only a dream. To be honest I was expecting to crash into something from the back and I was actually anticipating it but unfortunately I couldn't initiate the crash because I wasn't mentally strong enough to navigate my dreams.

Then suddenly water burst out at the front of my car and for a moment I was thinking holy crap did I just ruin my car??? Then I remembered I was only dreaming lol. All of the sudden my car went into a lake or something. I only know my car was in brownish water and I was literally staring at it because those water texture looked so damn real.

Then I shook myself awake because I chicken didn't want to experience drowning.

***

Another incident a few years back. I really wasn't sure if it was a dream because I know my eyes was open and I was pretty conscious, the only thing was I couldn't move at all even though I tried so hard. After a while I gave up and my surroundings seemed to be getting darker and darker then the surroundings' lighting starts flickering. I can see my room flipping to and fro from dark to slightly brighter for about maybe 2-3 minutes. *I'm so bad at describing.*

Anyway I was so in a panic mode because everything seemed so damn real I thought aliens were invading earth LITERALLY. I was imagining all sorts of stuffs like alien torturing us, how we're going to work as slaves for them, what cool tech they have and err....main point is I thought I was going to die.

When I regained my movement I quickly took my phone and called my brother...who was sleeping in the other room. I can't remember what I said to him but I think I asked him what's happening and where he is etc. He sounded as confused as hell. After the call I calmed down and reflected on my stupidity and laughed for a bit. I felt bad disturbing his sleep in the middle of the night when he was having his SPM papers in the morning. I wonder if he remembers this haha!

Delayed Post: Moving On

Something I wrote weeks before but never actually published. Felt like it would be throwing away good food if I had deleted this and not post it up so...

"I just wish it didn't have to end.

I'm two days away from my new semester, thus, the end of the holidays. It is an avoidable and painful break up. But it's for the better.

The new semester marks the beginning of the other half of my degree life. Three more semesters and I'm done. Out into the bare and cold labor world. I have yet to succumb to the fact that my life as a student will be over so soon and to the fact that I'm going to have to take full fledged responsibilities as an adult so soon.

I'd like to stay with my parents forever. Lol, never mind.

Gahh, my laziness is kicking in. I'm so unready to go back to my study life. I worship my past self for surviving this far. Still wondering how the hell I did it but I guess I'll just have to get used to the routine again and take things more seriously this time because I don't just want to graduate. I want to graduate with pride."

Last sentence. Let's see how long I can keep up with it.

SDC: Genesis

I know my last post have been almost a month old, well I'm not sorry for being such a lazy prick. I shall redeem myself with a long post.

My post-finals life have never been so busy yet meaningful, fulfilling and productive. That's in terms of self-achievement though. In terms of house chores and room cleaning productivity.....let's just say the dusts managed to extend their stay in my room.

Before I continue; Disclaimer:-

*This will be a pictureless post, just bear with me lol.
**Now you know how lazy I really am.

Right after finals my scheduled was filled with the Annual Dance Production activities. We had practices almost everyday for more than two weeks. It was tiring but I regret nothing. Well maybe the part where I didn't get to accompany my mom at home much.

The 4th of August was indeed a memorable day although I started the day as the most unfreshest zombie alive- what. Couldn't sleep the night before because I was too freaking excited. Probably slept for only 5 hours. Even so, it wasn't deep sleep.

Had our final rehearsal in the morning then I went all the way back home just for a shower even when I wasn't sweating just because I had to. Went back to uni to help out and jakun around a bit because the lighting setup was amazinggg!

Then about 4.30pm we started to do our makeup. I tell you it was a disaster. I think I took a whole hour to complete my makeup and most of the time I was wondering what the heck am I doing to my face even though the process was pretty enjoyable. However, truth be told, I wasn't really digging how I look in so much makeup. Those stuffs make me look rather.....old.
Had fake lashes and the bling bling stuff on my eyes. My eyes have never felt so heavy before. Now I know how it feels like to be caked with makeup. So fuhreeking uncomfortable.

After that we waited on standby. Got to watch the first performance before I went backstage to mentally prepare myself. Their energy and charisma definitely gave me a boost of confidence and hype! Really enjoyed their performance.

So when it was one performance before my group's turn, I'm not gonna lie, I was shivering. Actually that's basically what I always do before performances and presentations lolol. It's routine. After the group before us finished, they gave us encouragement on their way out. Though it didn't help with my shivering, it made me feel somewhat better. Then the MC went on talking for what felt like forever I couldn't even concentrate on what they were saying.

Then it was the cue to go on the stage. Whoa that moment I got into character my nervousness was completely gone. Stage lights were blinding but the adrenaline rush I had basically covered up everything that was in my way. I was unstoppable. LOL. Like my sifu said, when we're on stage performing, somehow there's a feeling that makes you beam automatically.

After our first song ended we had one minute to change our clothes. I didn't have a problem with the timing just that I was more worried for my friend who would be the first to reenter the stage. So when I was changing halfway I quickly helped her zip her shirt.

And this shall be a partial confession. Sigh.



I helped her zip her shirt but I forgot to zip my pants.................................

Thank God my pants was quite fitting so yeah I don't think there were inappropriate exposures lol or at least I HOPE. Luckily I only found out after my performance so I didn't attempt to gracefully zip my pants on stage (that will look really awkward if caught on camera) or get distracted by it.

Enough attention on my pants. The rest of the performance went well. I was a little out of breath but managed to give my all. Was really proud of myself :D

After that we went to watch the rest of the show. Then there was a finale and and open dance floor, everyone was freaking high. It was the atmosphere of what seems like a club. But I can't exactly tell since I haven't been clubbing before.

Then there was the after party supper at Bumbung. To be honest I was contemplating real hard whether or not I want to go as it was already 12.30am after the cleanup and my mom already called me twice I had to persistently assure her I'll be home in one piece.

I went anyway. For the first time I stayed out so late. Feels nice to break the norm once in a while. The ride home at 2am was really cool too. Though I was a little worried driving alone at that hour partially praying I won't get stopped by the police, which thankfully I didn't. I've never seen the road so peaceful before.

Reached home around 2.30am, slept at around 5am because removing makeup was a bitch. This is why I hate wearing makeup.

I gotta say, my notable savior of the day was RedBull. It was my first time drinking that thing and at first it tasted like medicine but as I kept drinking it started to taste nice. I don't know if it's an effect from the drink that made me see everything so positively or it's just me getting used to the taste. Whatever it was, it definitely dezombified me. Felt like I consumed drugs lol.

All in all, the 4th of August was beyond awesome. Can't imagine my sem break life without this event. My stamina actually improved a lot. Not to mention, made lots of friends throughout this journey too. Apparently now it feels weird to not do anything. I need to find something to keep myself occupied and preferably not food. I've never felt so restless over the holidays before. I used to look forward to breaks so that I can sloth at home. Heck, I slothed at home for 4 months before and never felt the boredom. Now I can't stand having nothing to do.

Really proud to be part of the event. Definitely looking forward to the next project. I shall spend my days reminiscing the night with a smile. :)

Absent-mindedness

I'm back from my tug-o-war with the finals (it was actually just me pulling the ropes and only having a one sided love relationship with the papers) and trust me, it was no fun at all. I'm no longer aiming for my string of As anymore, it is almost impossible. Just an average of 65-70% will do to keep my scholarship. Sigh, life.

So my one month plus sem break begins. Back on track with the post title, absent-mindedness, just to share a funny incident that happened recently.

To tell you the truth, I'm not as blur as I used to be now. Though, sometimes my mind just wonders into space like that. One time I was waiting for the lift. There were a few people waiting with me and it took a while for it to reach. When the lift came, everyone else went into the lift except me. I was looking at the lift and those people who waited for me, looked at me wondering if I wanted to use the lift. I just stood there as I watched the door close. That was the time I realized I was supposed to go onto that lift and at that time I was smiling and thinking to myself there, there, watch your lift go like you did not wait for it. I mean, I didn't want to suddenly stop the lift and embarrass myself by letting them know that they've just witnessed a live scene of how the brain of the human could process so slowly, so yeah. I did not stop the lift. I just stood there and watch the world go by.

Eventually I opted the stairs. From what I retrieved from my memory, the floor I wanted to go to (the car park) was just one floor up so it would be a really quick walk through the dangerous path. Those stairs were scary btw, nobody uses it. A drug dealer or a perverted worker could be hiding in there, waiting for a potential victim. Or so my paranoid mind likes bothering me with thoughts. I know I should never take such risk but let's be grateful nothing happened.

I was so mad at myself for being wrong about it being only one floor up. It was actually 4 floors up. Memory failure 101. I thought of taking the lift on the next floor would be weird too if I bump into the same bunch of people who waited for the lift with me. Again, I didn't wish to be the victim of their inside joke. I have a dignity to spare and I can't bare being in the same lift with them knowing they might be refraining so hard from laughing at what a joke I am so I continued my miserable journey with those flights of stairs as the punishment for my shallow mind. My life is a joke.

On another unrelated incident a few years back, I remembered searching high and low for my glasses. Being without glasses already made me partially blind, and I had to look for it. It wasn't even funny. I searched all around the house and even asked my mom if she had seen it, no she replied. So eventually I found out it was resting on my head. It was a pretty tiny pair of spectacles so it was light as feather, that's why I didn't feel it on my head. Can't believe my mom said no when I asked her. It was on my head. How could she have not seen it when I was asking her!? Pretty sure this trait is genetic. No doubts.

Driving (Part 2)

Sorry for my absenteeism, blame it on the shit university life has been throwing at me mercilessly.

I was torn in between the predicament on whether to dread about my current miserable study life or to write about what I have achieved for the past few days (which was nothing to even begin with) so I've decided to extend my previous post and story about an unfortunate event.

Like I said, I have neither been involved in an accident nor have I killed anyone with my driving skills so no, it was nothing serious.

What happened was I got lost. Well maybe to you it sounds like some adventurous de tour but definitely the otherwise for me. I tell you, it was like two hours of horror ride in a serial killer's car. I haven't driven anywhere further than my university just so you know.

It was back in November on the way to my friend's birthday party somewhere in Bandar Utama, I think. I was supposed to meet up with my other friends in SS15 which is just a few minutes away from my university so that I could carpool with them and I was pretty confident I knew where the hell SS15 was until I took the freaking wrong turn towards the OPPOSITE direction. Hooray!

Before I forget, luckily I had Lovania to go through this horror ride with me. Unlucky for me, she's a foreigner and she obviously know nuts about directions here. To top that, I have the worst sense of direction anyone can ever have. So our journey began.

I tried looking for a U-turn so that I could turn back to where I was supposed to go but and there was none. All I could do was to go straight and God knows where the road was taking me lol. It was 7pm and it was getting darker by the minute. I called my friends and told them not to wait for me because there was a higher chance for me to die in a car crash than to reach SS15 on time. I couldn't even ask them for directions because I didn't even know where the flip I was.

Thank God the petrol and my phone's battery was full. At least I could keep driving for another 300km in case.... I stopped at the side of nowhere to check on Google Map. It was my only hope. Keyed in the birthday girl's home and oh, that's really near. Or so I thought. I kept driving until I passed by one toll. Two tolls. Three tolls. At one point I was freaking out because the signboard says Ipoh. Mother of flippers.

It started raining and it started to get pretty jammed. Google Map is shit. At first it was okay until a point where it says turn right but there was absolutely no way I could turn right, unless I want to crash into the road dividers then yes I could actually turn right. It happened a few times and it kept recalculating routes. I was relying my life on you, bitch. The past few times I've used it with my parents it worked like magic. It had to fail on me the only time I was alone with someone who knows nothing about the roads here. Stupid prick.

I told Lovania I give up, can we just go home? Lol then I thought, who am I kidding?.... I didn't know the way home either. So we continued our miserable journey. Just to go to Bandar Utama, I've passed by a total of six tolls and places like KLCC, Damansara, Sunway Giza (in memory of my first ever flashmob), Midvalley and Ikea. I was actually wondering how the flip did I end up in Ikea. That was also when I realized Ikea is near 1U. I'm a failed Malaysian.

Stopped by the roadside and finally called for directions. I don't know if it's fated or what but there happened to be a friend of the birthday girl who has a GPS brain. I'm not kidding. She directed my from where I was to the house with exact details. And the house was in some deep deep place like HOW DID SHE KNOW THE PLACE SO DAMN WELL. I forgot her name but whoever you are, I worship you!!!

We ended up reaching 2 hours late hahaa. I didn't want to risk another round of horror ride so I tailed my friend's car all the way back to Sunway after the party.

What a great day.

Driving

Tomorrow is the day my P licence expire yay. Can't believe it has been two years since I started driving legally. I remember those hard days they put us through the tests. Oh man, those days were hell.

Not to mention I had an instructor who couldn't speak English, a stupid bugger who went through the trial test with me and a bitch who sat with me through the test.

The only problem with my instructor was the language barrier. We're both Chinese, I'm a banana. We ended up communicating in BM. His speech is also slurred. Sometimes I just couldn't understand what he's talking about. He's a nice guy though, he forgave me when I turned the steering wheel a little too much and half the car went up the bumper then it started making noises. Oops. He was nice enough not to scold me. God bless his kind soul.

The stupid bugger who assessed me for the trial test though, is a bombastic idiot acting as if the world owes him shit. That bastard is probably racist. I just wish I could shove a shoe down his racist throat. I hope you're stuck with that job forever, a--hole.

The lady who sat through the test with me wasn't as bad. She was just a little mean. I don't really blame her though. I wouldn't have been in a good mood either if I was sitting next to myself driving. I mean I could just crash into another car and die anytime.

But that was all two long years ago. I haven't been into any accidents so far so, yay me! But of course along the way, I've forgotten to pull down the hand breaks, forgotten to switch on the headlights a few freaking times because I have an awesome pair of eyes (no I don't) and maybe accidentally stepped on the accelerator when I was supposed to step on the brakes a few times. Nevertheless, I survived.

My driving have improved so so much. The only time I suck at driving is when my mom sits next to me. I trust there is no further explanation needed.

Parking is a bloody nuisance though, sometimes I secretly wish I own a bike. That junk can easily be parked anywhere and it won't be affected by the jam or have to pay toll money. Imagine the amount of money I'll deprive the government from.

One thing I really enjoy about driving is having my private karaoke sessions in the car. Ahah! I'm no longer a bathroom singer. I've upgraded to a car singer because I have more audience. Lol, jokesss.

Presentations

Today marks exactly a month since my first blog post. My baby is one month old now yayy! 15 posts (if I haven't deleted any) is an amazing achievement right? One month sounds like a short period of time but looking back, there's like thousands of things happened in just the span of a freaking month. I have underestimated time.

So for the past few days I've been so busy and pressured with my presentations (meanwhile my brother having the time of his life in Phuket). As for the first formal presentation (yesterday) of the semester, me and my group did a campaign proposal that revolves around an issue in front of 3 lecturers. Among the 5 groups, one of the group's proposal will be chosen (also will be getting the highest marks) to be carried out the next semester. So far two groups have presented.

The first group got shot down so badly by the lecturers and as we were going next, that definitely boosted our confidence (to the point of zero) as if we weren't nervous enough already. I was literally shivering my teeth off. Even the two natural speakers were sweating bullets wtf. Being next to present feels like being next in line for a jab. The reaction of the person in front of you is enough to make you shit in your pants.

The oddest thing happened though. The lecturers seemed somewhat interested in our proposal. They were giving advises and comments on how to improve but didn't shoot us down like the first group. That was a good and a bad sign at the same time because I sure as hell don't want my campaign to be chosen. For the first time I'm only aiming for the second best lol.

Well actually I don't think anyone would want their campaign to be chosen because then the group with the chosen campaign would have to lead the rest to make the campaign happen which would be a freaking burden. So as of now, I'm hoping at least one of the 3 other groups comes up with a genius plan that would make the lecturers cry rainbow tears. YOU GUYS HAVE MY BLESSINGS.

After our campaign proposal we had another presentation the following day (today). So I only had a few hours to practice my part, usually I'll have one or two days because I suck so badly in presentations. But it went well. I'm so proud of my improvement in presentations :'D I came into this course with presentations being the only thing I worry/fear the most. You must then be wondering of all courses, I had to choose the Communication degree right? I was a lost soul, trust me.

I remember during my high school days throughout the year, the only thing I was so scared of was presentations, although we only had two. I had a serious case of presentation phobia. HAHA! I can't say I'm excellent now but definitely made major improvements.

So, 2 done, 3 more to go then it's the finals. Yay (in the most monotonous tone).

Confession #1

I might actually keep up with this confession thing. I'll post whenever I feel like I have something to confess, or if I remember anything horrid I did in the past that I'm willing to share. Heheh!

Okay here goes, my first confession here.

I cheated in exams.

Keyword- cheated. It's the past okay. I've never cheated since I entered university because I'm too chicken and there's absolutely no way to peek at my friends' answers anyway. Tables are too far apart and answers are all subjective. Fishing for other people's answers is as far as I go. I don't hide notes in the toilet for goodness' sake (although I'm always having the urge to). And btw, I said exams, not tests.

I remember once during my high school days I cheated in the final exam. My class' brainiest girl was seated diagonally in front of me to my left. I'm like, praise the lord. Particularly, it was the History's objective paper and it was literally the subject that occupy my brain memory the least.

Remember the OMR sheet where you colour your answers, yea that was the easiest to copy from. At first it wasn't really easy to see the answers because her body was sort of in the way. So I was a little frustrated. I did my questions, left out some that I was unsure. I think about half an hour before the paper ends she went to the toilet.

Holy Buddha. That was my ticket to success.

So her OMR sheet was lying so bare and naked on the table just like that, I can see all the patterns (as in all the answer) on the paper. Like who could resist something so bare and naked? So I did what I had to.

Funny thing was that I scored higher than her for that paper. It's like some impossible achievement unlocked. And I didn't even feel bad about it. I still don't. I mean when it comes to opportunity like this, just grab it right? I didn't care whether I cheated my way to it. I believe I've earned it. Cheating is a skill too. I'm an opportunist as long as it doesn't involve hurting people.

So yeah, that was one of the many paper I've cheated hahah! Don't judge me okay, you're not a saint either and you know it. :P

Pressured

Well hello. Things have been very hectic lately. This is the period when we are all rushing and panicking to complete our assignments. I have two presentations and report dues this coming Tuesday and Wednesday. God knows why we were scheduled to have such perfectly back-to-back presentations when I think the other groups are having at least one day break in between. My luck is really great these days. Maybe, just maybe, it's because I didn't send the chain mail 7 years ago.....

-

It has been one week. Thinking of it makes my heartache. Sigh.

-

So yeah I'm actually wondering if I'm ever going to survive the last few weeks of the semester. Degree life, why you so hard!? After this week we're presentation/dues-free for a week. Then the hell cycle repeats. That time it's worse. There's 3 presentations in a freaking week can you believe that. And it's the week BEFORE the finals. Mother flipping God. 

Okay compared to last semester, I actually learn stuffs this semester. There's only one subject I'm almost completely oblivious of. The last semester I was lost in almost all of the subjects to the point where I started questioning myself. Actually I was confused. I didn't know if the problem was me or the lecturers. But I'm sure it's the lecturers, I'm only mentally problematic, not mentally challenged. Wait wha-

Never mind that. At this point of time, paranoia is high. Skepticism and doubts about my capability as a supposingly diligent student is bugging me like hell. I take my assignments seriously. Sometimes when I see something go wrong, all I think is that I'm doomed to failure. Then I engage in panic mode. Then I enter to full focus and suddenly became a temporary genius and solve all my problems. 

Just kidding.

After the panic mode I enter some mood flipping stage. You know how the fishes flip here and there when they're out of the water and can't breathe? Yeap, just like that. So metaphorically complementing. Flip flip flip flip. I can't wait for sem break. I'm dying of accelerated aging. The brain cued the song If I Die Young. Reallyy?

Stressss

Only after two days she passed away I broke down into tears. Probably only after two days I realized it's time to face reality. It's the first time I cried so hard after so long. I don't know if it's solely because of that or it's a combination of all the stress I'm experiencing lately. Maybe everything was bottled up and then I just emotionally exploded.

Goodbye

How I wish I didn't have anything to post today.

I don't know how much I hate goodbyes. The thought of never being able to see someone again just makes me emotional. Of course that person has to be someone in my life duhh. Yesterday I lost a childhood friend. My childhood best friend. In fact, she was like the sister I never had.

It has been what, 8 to 10 years since I've last seen her? I used to just show up shamelessly in front of her house (she just lives opposite my old home) and she'll invite me in with open arms, maybe called her a little too many times a day (that when the phone bills come I'd be most guilty of), play around the neighbourhood almost everyday with two other friends. Then she shifted home and we lost touch. We went to the same high school though but she was 3 years my senior and we had different sessions so there was literally no way of bumping into each other.

I remember doing so many mischievous things together with her. To name a few, we plucked our neighbour's unripe mangoes from their tree and threw into other neighbours' homes, rang the doorbells of every house in the lane and ran away to hide, threw stones at people (to the past victims, seriously I'm so sorry for that, we were young and stupid), burn newspapers and dump them into the drains and some other stuffs I can't exposed because I'm sure I'd be detained by the police and spend the next few days or months in jail. She was my partner in crime. Man, thinking of it, I used to get into so much trouble lol. Those were the days :') She's definitely not the best influence but we had real fun. Fun that we'll never get to experience again. We were unstoppable.

Well yeah, lost touch with her for years. I do think of her from time to time. I tried searching for her Facebook account countless times but miserably failed. Just one month ago I was randomly looking through my unattended friend requests (I really don't know why I did maybe God didn't want me to hate myself), I saw one that looked so like her so I asked my brother if that's her and indeed that was her. She had been on my friend request list for quite some time (I usually don't approve requests from people I don't know) and I didn't realize that it was her. Guilty guilty guilty!

But after I knew it was her I immediately accepted her request and looked for her on the Facebook chat and apologized to her for approving so late. We had a short and awkward conversation unfortunately. But better than nothing right?

Last night at dinner when my brother was scrolling through his Facebook he suddenly went Oh. My. God. Leng Leng passed away. That cold flipping statement got me so shocked I'm like what.....what...what...what?????????? Whyyyy????? How????? Whaaaatt???? Then he said that he doesn't know anything either, just that people were posting RIP messages on her wall.

Only this morning I found out how she died. My brain couldn't even process..

News here: BM, Chinese.

She jumped off the 18th floor of her apartment. When I read the news stating that her head got smashed and brains scattered due to impact, I was too overwhelmed for words. Of all things I was pondering about how she died last night, I'd never imagine that she'd jump off the building. It is possible that there's a foul play but I guess we'll never know.. Sigh.

Her family is having her wake right now. I wanted to go and see her for the last time but my mom won't let me and my brother went with his friends. I hope she'll understand.

I'm thankful that at least I had the chance to chat with her on Facebook no matter how short the conversation was. At least she knows I'm fine and doing well I guess. I hope she finds peace in the afterlife. Yew Leng Leng, this post is dedicated to you. You'll always be part of my best childhood memories. Goodbye my friend.

Blah

I've been doing a good job keeping my blog constantly updated right? Of course I can't be blogging everyday. It's not like random shit pops up and I'll be oh hey~ I'm so gonna write that for nobody to read! Well actually that happens, just that as soon as I have the chance to write, every brilliant idea I had went into some secret hideout somewhere in the corner of my brain like it doesn't exist wtf. I don't live in a storybook or a drama so my life ain't that interesting that I have stuffs to write about each day.

I'm curious for how long I can keep this up. I'm starting to get less ideas to write about these days lol.

Keeping this blog a secret is so agonizing you know. No you don't. Would be cool to have a fixed audience, not just random passerbys. Having actual readers would give me the motivation to update more often *I think*. Downside is I won't have the balls guts to be as open as I am now.

But then again, I can't reveal my blog now, I mean look at the mess I've made unleashing anger on my friends and shit. All hell will break loose when they read this I swear. They'll skin me alive, tie me onto an iron rod and barbecue me omg. Therefore I conclude, it's safer for the world that this blog remains private until I say so. Honestly, I don't want to be the cause of World War 3 and put Hitler to shame.

The blog not meant to be public now anyways. I mean look at this piece of crap. I don't even have a layout lol. Well actually I'm loving the white so until I give a damn, this is staying as it is boring or not. My words are interesting enough (ha-ha) so as the saying goes, don't judge a book by it's cover. I wouldn't blame you if you did though, the first impression is the most important whether we like it or not.

Oh well, that's about it today. Was about to apologize for the pointless update then I suddenly realize the pointlessness of that sentence would override the pointlessness of this post *what am I talking about*.

Directionless

Back with a post as neutral as a neutron! Okay lame. My emotional roller-coaster ride phase is over. I hope. Saw the biggest rainbow arch yesterday. Maybe it brightened up my mood. :)

Not really sure why most of my readers are from Russia. Probably my blog was the preferred blog to sort of show up when clicking the "next blog" thingy in Russia. Haha, but if you even bother reading my post- HI! or привет! I think your language and people are cool. :D Say, my ex-classmate is studying in Russia, he seems pretty happy there.

-

"My room's light isn't working, it keeps flickering on and off. This is so frustrating and annoying." 

Apparently as I was typing that complain (also after my experimental slamming of the door), my light stopped flickering as if it's reading this. Freaky.

-

Anyway, does nobody ever blog anymore? I'm bored. I want to read about someone's life. Exciting, boring, miserable or happy, just anything. I don't mean just anyone though. There's thousands of strangers' blogs out there but I prefer to read the blogs of people I know. There used to be a blogging era when almost all of the people my age has a blog. I guess those were the days.

So actually I was briefly looking through my *second* old blog, it was so boring I couldn't proceed.. I read a part about my life in Ausmat back in 2011. All I wrote complained about was exams, subjects, assignments, and me dying for a holiday. Yes, Ausmat is one hell of a hectic and holiday-less course. Plus at the time I had issues making friends and spent most of my lunch time eating illegally in the library because I had nobody to go lunch with. So sad and miserable right? I don't know how I survived that freaking 10 months of hell. It was so bad that I actually believed that I was paying RM20k to mentally suffer. 

Oh well, the past is the past. I can't travel back in time and console my poor 18 year-old self and tell her it's okay to feel not okay right, I wish. That was my worst year in my life. Totally killed my confidence and self-esteem. Times were bad, but I've learned and matured from it, thankfully.

Sorry for the directionless post. My mind was itching to update this blog.

Perceptions

It's amazing how the way of thinking can totally change one's day.

Remember my previous post? How I was so furious and cursing and bitching and stressed and a whole lot more of negative feelings due to my assignments just yesterday. Funny. Today I woke up with a different perspective and I saw a brighter future....

Lol, I mean I realized that I was stressing over petty things. Okay they're not exactly petty things. Anyway my point is, I told myself it's alright, I WILL MANAGE THIS. So I started with my assignments rather than emo about how miserable and screwed up my life is right now. Managed to complete an outline/guideline for my groupmates to make their our lives less miserable and also so that they don't go out of topic (they have a tendency to do that without realizing). My groupmates are so lucky to have me right, I know.

Felt much better after doing so. I love productive days!

Speaking of which, I did realize my mood swings. One moment I can see the world come crashing and folding on me like it's time for the grim reaper to pay a visit, the next moment my world is filled with rainbows and unicorns and flowers and all the beautiful things.

Sometimes I brood into my thoughts wondering if I'm actually bipolar. My lecturer once called me bipolar but I guess she was joking. Or not.. Apparently my friends call me bipolar too, holy shit maybe I AM bipolar just that I don't know it because usually mental patients don't know that they're sick D:

No. I'm sure I don't have split personalities. Bipolar just happens to be a convenient overstatement to explain my situation. But well, I guess somehow, in a way, on the other end of the rainbow, in a parallel universe, I can be considered as bipolar due to my weird mood swings. I sincerely apologize to my potential victims in advance. I need to get my shit straight and fix my temper or I'll end up with no friends. Zero. And die as a miserable loner.

Of Randomness

Hello my loyal subjects. Today I'm just going to spill whatever random stuffs that had happened throughout my absence here.


All I did was nothing productive.


Scratch that.

Random #1:
I actually won a 500gb hard disk. For the first time, in my whole 20 years of existence, I've won something. Well, I mean something that's worth and useful and expensive. I'm actually starting to feel that I'm not all unlucky. :) Totally made my day hehe.

Random #2:
As I was walking through the aisle of cosmetic/medicine products in Giant few days ago, a really good looking guy said "Hello, *and something else I forgot, forgive my memory*" as I walked pass him. Totally shocked and somewhat blinded by his handsomeness I promptly replied "Hi!" and quickly walk towards where I was going before he could see my face turn red tomato lolol. I was thinking maybe he knew me. Like, who would actually just so randomly greet someone? Some more that time I dressed like an aunty.

Random #3:
Being the third person really is...sad.

Hold on. I know what you're thinking.. I'm not ruining a relationship for goodness' sake. I'm talking about in a group of 3 friends, one of them (the third person) will definitely get left out. The victim of the unfortunate event is yours truly. I don't know if they even realize. They probably don't. Okay, I'm sure they don't.

But then, I'm not interested in stuffs they do as bffffffs. Eg: pinching each other, calling each other wife/bitch, pulling each other's hair (I'll be so goddamn annoyed if they do that to me honestly lol), have some pointless giddy arguments (I'd rather not contribute to noise pollution). And sometimes they just keep things to themselves I didn't even want to bother asking them either. Sometimes I just prefer to isolate myself from them. I guess I'm just the odd one out.

Random #4:
Why is everybody asking me to get a boyfriend? Bitch please, I don't need one.

Okay in all seriousness, I'm not looking for one or looking forward to having one so soon. Heck, I actually pictured myself not having a partner ever lol. Of course he'll be one who would actually make my life more interesting but...well you can say that I haven't actually found anyone I'm willing to put on make up and dress nicely for (I'm effortless like that) yet. And in all honesty, I don't see why people would be attracted to me. I'm so uncool and uninteresting.

I do however, have a crush on this guy. An innocent crush okay.. He's not good looking (but cute) nor have a nice body (slightly round?). He does have a lot of charisma and a personality I admire though. It's like they're beaming! And that's all I'm revealing because I'm a bitch ngehehe.

Random brooding #5:
Sometimes I feel bad for hating someone I know very well I shouldn't. This person, however, keeps giving me the reason to hate him/her. I just get really depressed at the fact that I don't know if I hate or love him/her more. :'(

That's all for today......

My favourite breakfast

Just something I'd like to share. My own creation! Okay maybe not entirely my creation, definitely somebody else thought of it long before I did but hey, who's actually unique and original these days? Don't you try to debate that.

What is it? Neslo Oats. I love it enough to declare it my favourite breakfast. I swear I can eat this every morning, but I try to reduce consumption to maybe once or twice a week because it's not exactly weight-friendly (sugar from milo) if you know what I mean. Oh why do I have such thing as my favourite breakfast.

Pretty darn simple to make you don't even need brains to do it- just saying. What you need is a mug, teaspoon, milo powder, black coffee and some oats. Of course hot water too unless you're weird and like it dry.

So usually I put 3 *huge* tsp of milo powder (I have no mercy when it comes to milo powder), 1 tsp of coffee and 5 tsp of oats. You can play around with the ratio depending on your taste.

And then of course with hot water, it becomes this:

Trust me, it tastes better than it looks.

You get a kick of caffeine, sweetness and something to chew all in one happy cup. Keeps you full too.

Also, great help in clearing your bowels so, be prepared lol.

***

On an unrelated news, I have reunited with my long-lost buddy - Uncle Jang's Dakgalbi! Er.. I mean SooYee. Haven't seen that girl in months. Finally got the opportunity to give her my much delayed souvenir from Taiwan.

After that we went to Baskin Robbins for the pink day promo. You know the new Happy 8 promo? 8 scoops of ice-cream in a waffle cone just for RM9.90. Well RM10.50 after tax. Which means it's RM1.30 per scoop and for BR it's a pretty good deal right?...

....Until you find out how big the scoops are. I've never felt so cheated lol... I wasn't even expecting a huge scoop. Maybe slightly smaller than a golf ball. But nopes. It's even smaller than my feet's thumb wtf. About a diameter of only 3cm and I'm not even exaggerating. All hopes and dreams crushed like that..

SooYee and I were laughing at how miserably small that one scoop is. They're so stingy seriously. Here's a picture of it. You can now estimate roughly the size of it comparing it with the spoon.

Now you get what I mean.. So unless you have a lot of money to waste I seriously advise you to not get cheated by this promo. It's one of their dirty tactics to trick customers. Macklemore's Thrift Shop reference - I call that being trick by bizznuss! Oh man, now I sound like a nagging grandma. But seriously, use your money wisely and go get yourself a cone of Cornetto (they have better cones) or Magnum the next time you're craving for ice-cream alright?

Art?

Wow, I'm actually updating this thing three days in a row for nobody to read. Yeay! Anyway, I had a real productive day. My brain today is somewhat cooperative and functioning despite me waking up so prematurely on a freaking holiday especially when I slept pretty late last night (1am is late for me). Sleeping late has never done me good. Gives me eye-ache......you know that stuff? It's like headache, except it's for the eye.

So I had my breakfast and quickly get started on my group assignments because I got all panicky about the due dates and started imagining doomsday with sun rising from the west and metal kitchen utensils floating in the air. I always do that goddammit. Fortunate for me, ideas just kept flowing through my mind, enough for me to actually generate ideas for the campaign proposal, magazine design and video assignments woop! I was pretty pleased with myself for once lol.

My favourite assignment would actually be the magazine design. I know right, favourite assignment. Who gets a favourite assignment these days anyway. We get to design stuffs using adobe photoshop/illustrator/indesign. I'm secretly thanking my 15 year old self for learning photoshop and making my life less miserable this sem.

Well generally, it's my favourite assignment because I like art. You can say that I like it enough to actually spend my time on it. I've spent hours of my "supposingly" revision/study time to draw on something. Hey, I need a break once in a while.

It all started when my good friend got me nail polishes for my birthday thinking I need to groom myself more often.

Aha, I appreciate her so courageously bold attempt. They did turn out to be quite handy though. On most of the things that does not involve my nails. Okay I did use maybe um, 5% of it on my nails lol. The rest are on stuffs like these, if you haven't seen it (with a huge help from Sharpies!):

Aztec phone case (it was previously white)

 Floral prints mouse

My latest: Marine themed phone case

I sure as hell spent lots of time on those stuffs, but they were worth every bit. I once resided into crazy thoughts of ditching uni and make a living out of these because I'm sick of being forcefully fed academically. But then I think again, forget it. I'll probably die of toxin inhalation before I make my first thousand bucks.

So, the question I always get: why am I not doing arts? Actually, I do find myself asking the same damn thing. But there's a difference between loving something and having actual talent. I, unfortunately, don't have enough talent in arts. I mean anyone can do all that (pictures above). If you ask me to draw a portrait of someone I'm gonna...just gonna just give you a stickman. My stickman will do more justice to my poor specimen than any of my portrait attempts.

That's as far as my talent goes. Truth be told, I see myself as an all rounder. I don't suck (maybe moderately) in most of the things but I'm not good either. Sports, writing, public speaking (used to suck so bad but I'm improving), designing, dancing, end of thinking capacity.

In conclusion, I've decided that art will stay as my hobby.
Yeap.

Sunny Sunday

Out of the most random thoughts and random moments, I have decided to start blogging again. Stupid me of 1am this morning couldn't go to sleep because my head is having an internal party of rainbow pukes and whatnot thinking just about every existence of the whole freaking universe. My brain activity is probably too damn high for all the wrong reasons (which is why I'm not a complete genius).

Back to topic, this is attempt number 3. Attempt number 2 was a major failure because I'm pretty sure a good 50% of whatever I posted revolves around how I should blog more often- then ditched the idea as soon as I finished a post.

I used to be a frequent blogger on my first blog because I was addicted to it for god knows whatever reason out there. Maybe I was bored. No, I was more expressive and less shy at that time lol. I hated how I acted all attention seeking so eventually I changed to be less annoying (I said less) and less loud and now I'm semi-antisocial depending on my mood I'm not even joking. 

Anyway, in this blog I'm gonna try to talk just about anything that's in my mind (aka less filtered) because like that I can learn more about myself too (fyi, I don't really know myself). Keyword: try. Which is why I'm gonna keep this blog private, not locked, just private, until I feel like "promoting" it. Actually I'm not thick skinned enough to do so. The furthest I'll do is to post my link on facebook and twitter on my biography section, not as a status or tweet.

So, if you happen to stumble upon this wonderful piece of shit treasure, congratulations, you may call yourself a stalker now. :D You're either stalking my rccx2393xp code or you're back tracking my posts and I don't see a reason why you shouldn't *cough*. Here, take your trophy, I don't need it. 

I'm tired, bye.